Little Grey
by SpazzQueen15
Summary: Does not follow Shonda's version of the show, Lexi does not die so it's basically the aftermath of the plane wreck, after the recovery period and all that. Will be following her and possibly some of the other characters through their daily lives kind of like the show. First story ever so please R&R! Rated T for violent themes and language.
1. Chapter 1

Heart pounding, breathing labored, she turns in circles trying to find a way out; a way back home. All around her are the moans and groans of the dead and dying. They fill her soul with dread, make her feel like she's suffocating, like her limbs are weighed down with the cries of pain and anguish by those around her. She doesn't want to be here; doesn't want to see it. And then, the black door from her nightmares, dark black ebony with carved faces mid-scream, a high shrill sounds and the door creaks open.

"And that's when I wake up." She looks up from her lap to the blonde psychiatrist sitting across from her. Unfortunately, she's been here enough that they're on a first-name basis.

"And you think it means what? That you were supposed to stay dead?" Always blunt, comes with the territory.

"Yeah. I mean, it's different now. All I can think about is what I want to do. What I have to lose, and six years ago it wouldn't have been much."

"But now you're a successful doctor, a sister, a friend, and lover?" She looks up and away at the tank with the brightly colored fish where most have died and been replaced. She curls her arms around her knees, tighter.

"No," looks down, "not a lover. I haven't spoken to Mark yet. Well, he hasn't talked to me. We're just, not speaking." The blonde raises an eyebrow.

"And why not? He, you both love each other very, very much. You both want a life together. What's the wait?"

"He's scared. I'm scared. Neither of us want to lose each other again. We've been on and off and on and off and on and off and off and then I died. We're sick of losing each other. So we're not speaking."

A sigh from the shrink. "So, long-term career wise: goals. What're we thinking?" She unravels herself and sits cross-legged, leaning forward a bit.

"Well, after my residency I'll go into neurosurgery because it's practically been decided since I was an intern. After that I'm going somewhere; wherever the best program is-"

"Seattle Grace-Mercy West." A glare.

"No. I'm leaving. I can't be around everyone who treats me like they're happy to have me back-"

"And I'm sure they are-"

"They're not. Well, ok they might be, but I'm not. I mean, yeah, I get it; I died, life is changed forever for me. Everyone's been doing such a fantastic job of helping me cope: Alex and Christina are my drinking buddies. But. I can't move on. I can't look at or hear a plane, I can't be in the pit, I can't lie down without freaking out and going back there."

She looked at her, eyes shining with a helpless, heartbreaking expression.

"I can't move on. And I talked to Derek about what it could be, but he doesn't know and he's too busy with Mer, Zola, physical therapy, regular therapy, and his life saving surgeries. And I can't think of anything it might be so it has to be psychological right? Right?"

"It's possible. But you're going to have to face reality sometime soon ok? So the nightmares will stop at least." Pause.

"How do I face reality? I'm alive. I mean otherwise I'd be dea-" A nod from the blonde.

"Oh. Alright. Well, um, I'll see you next week then?" Another nod.

"Ok, um, alright. Bye."

"Goodbye Lexi."


	2. Chapter 2

"So how was the therapy?" My new mom asked me. I sighed, finished signing a chart to discharge Ms. Marner who had a heart attack, gave it to one of the nurses on duty, Sarah, and turned to face my sister.

"It was fine. It was therapy. Which you should be in by the way." I raised an eyebrow and she looked at her hands resting on the nurses station.

"Oh I'm fine. Everyone is alive, Zola is healthy, Derek's arm is getting better, I'm fine. Besides I asked how you were."

I looked down at my hands.

"Well, I've decided that as soon as I'm done with my residency, and after I pass my boards I'll go to a top-notch neuro fac-"

"Here. The top-notch neuro facility is here. Doctor Derek Shepard is here, at Seattle Grace-Mercy West, where you already are." She leaned back and looked me up and down. "You're going here because we are a family, and apparently good families don't split up."

I ducked my head and smiled at her.

"Yeah sure, here." The I knocked on the desk and walked away.

"Grey!" I spun around.

"Yes Dr. Bailey?" She had a chart in her hands and a serious look on her face that meant 'shut up and do what I say'. _Oh man..._

"Since Dr. Shepard has no surgeries or break-through clinical trials scheduled for today and you need some OR time, you're with Dr. Sloan today at 1 for a rhinoplasty in OR 3."

"Oh, um, Dr. Bailey, I, um, I have a um, uh-"

"Dr. Grey, you are with Dr. Sloan today at 1 for a rhinoplasty in OR 3. Or is there a problem?" _She has a hand on her hip, oh crap she has a hand on her hip._

"Um, no ma'am, there's no problem." I clasped my hands behind my back to try and stop them from shaking. _Stupid nerves._ And then I slowly backed away.

"Lexi." And then I stop. "Yes Dr. Bailey?"

"Are you ok to work with Dr. Sloan today?" I smile slightly; for all the attitude she's such a mother hen.

"No, truthfully I'm not alright to work with Dr. Sloan today, but I am ok to do a rhinoplasty. It's no problem."

"Mmm hmm. Well then, have a good day." And she turns back to the board.

"Yes ma'am. You too Dr. Bailey." I sigh and turn around.

_I'm gonna need a minute._

* * *

_A/N Thanks to everyone that reviewed: I apprecieate it so very, very much! Also thanks to those that favorited this story, it means so much to me! Lots of thanks to everyone and please continue to R&R!_


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Ok, so I realize (and thanks to someone that pointed this out) all the chapters are very short. And in reality, I have about 4 1/2 actual chapters written. So I'll either try more mini-chapters ever-so-often, OR I can post longer chapters that will take longer to come out. Let me know which you all want more of and I'll get crackin' on some more chaps in the meantime. Again thanks for the reads and reviews! Keep 'em comin!_

* * *

I burst into the room and collapse on the couch, pushing aside a pair of tied together sneakers.

Warmth and good smells greet me; the only thing that's left of April: her housing skills.

"Hey Lex. Are you ok?" Alex is sitting in his Cheif Resident's desk. He's not Cheif Resident anymore of course, Tw- I mean Steve is, but Alex bullies him into letting him use his office..whenever he wants.

"Yeah. Or I will be. Hey, are the premies go-" He shook his head.

"Nah, but I'm gonna try and convince Jonie to get the surgeries, that way-" He laughed and shook his head again. "And other PEDs stuff. Well I'll let yah get to it then." He smiled, got his charts, and left.

I sank onto the couch and looked at the clock. 11:45. I looked at my hands. I unlatched my watch and then re-latched it. I took it off and then put it back on. I looked at the random food, and magazines, and Christina's socks thrown on the coffee table (pretty much all the Attendings use this office for storage still). I put my head in my hands.

And then I cried.

Quietly.

Because of dying and living and not seeing/talking/hearing/being with Mark and having to do all of those things in less than 2 hours after months of no contact. I cried because my life is back and I though I was going to lose it all.

I breathed in and patted my eyes with a stray (hopefully unused) tissue.

"Oh, ok Lexi come on! You can do this! You can do this! You don't have to talk to him if you don't want to!" And then I stop because I want to but I don't know how. Because I feel like I'm in limbo and the only way out is to talk to Mark, but I don't know how.

And then I look up at the clock, 11:57. I can start today. I can make my move.

So I get up, smooth myself over, and stand tall. Today I will talk to Mark. But first, I have to face reality.


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Ok, so this is my longest chap so far and it's all you're going to get for a while so I can come up with something out of nothin. So happy 4th on the fourth chapter cause you might be in for a wait for a while! And the story mistro- *arrow pointing downwards*_

* * *

It's cold.

Really cold.

Like, I-need-a-sweater-that-Grandma-knitted-for-me cold. And when I think about it, it makes sense. One, because if it wasn't cold the bodies would putrify and get gross. Two, because that's what it felt like to die under a plane in the harsh and brutal wilderness.

Cold.

I get myself ready; shake out my limbs, crack my neck, jump up and down a little bit.

"Whooo." I let all the air out of me. And I take a step closer to the black plastic bag in front of me. I take ahold of the zipper and pull, slowly.

And there he is. James Anderson. Died of a subdural hematoma we didn't catch anywhere because he wasn't the patient, his 29 year-old son was.

The first thing I notice about him is the color. He's blue. And washed out. His skin is slowly turning purple and green in places, and his hair is losing it's color. It's not silver anymore, speckled with white. It's just gray.

I pull my hand back from the zipper and touch his forehead. He's cold too. No warmth, no pulse, no color. Just blue and cold. And then it hits me.

_It could've been me._

I could be lying in the black plastic bag in the cold room. They could be deciding where to bury me. Meredith and Mark and Derek. And my dad. If things were different, I would be skin and bones by now.

_It could've been me._

I got a second chance. I can live, I'm alive. And what have I done so far?

Chosen a specialty, spent more time with my family, and gone to see the Space Needle the one day I could walk again. True, most of the time I've been in recovery, physical therapy, therapy, and surgery, but I got a second chance.

"Ugh." Sniff. "Ugh, ok." I shake out my wrist and find the time. 12:39. I shake myself out and turn around, and walk out the door. I have a nose to fix.

* * *

The automatic hiss of the airlock doors greet me as I enter the OR with my hands held out like a zombie.

"Dr. Grey." His voice reverberates throughout the room. I close my eyes to steel myself, and when I open them, his icy blues ones are staring right back at me.

"Mrs. Pearson was starting to get a little antsy here, waiting for her new nose." He peered at me from over the top of his mask.

"Sorry Dr. Sloan, and Mrs. Pearson, I got caught up in something." I smiled at him through my mask even though he probably wouldn't see it. _Today I face reality._

"Alright then, 10 blade please nurse." And then he started to cut.

Here's the thing: watching Mark do surgery, or even just sutures, is one of my favorite things to do. He gets so focused and determined that his plastics patients are treated just as fairly as his burn victims quality wise. He can talk so casually during his surgeries because he has the greatest confidence in himself and his skills. The bonus is that he looks great while he does it.

"Dr. Grey can you hold this please?" He's holding out the scalpel.

"Sure Dr. Sloan." I take it and he turns to the side.

"Achoo!" I jump a little. His sneezes are not little sweet sneezes, and they're not foghorns either, they're high-pitched and he yells a little too. A nurse says blessyou from somewhere and he nods his head gratefully in her direction.

"Ah. Um, so sorry everyone! Haha nose is just a little irritated today I guess! Scalpel please Dr. Grey." One of his eyebrows is raised, and his eyes are slightly crinkled at the corners, which means that he's thinking about something, so it could either be bad or...not...good. I hand him the scalpel with a wary glance.

"Thank you Dr. Grey." And then silence as he starts cutting again.

"So. Dr. Grey." Except it's not my name he's saying, it's a question.

"Yes Dr. Sloan?" His eyes are really crinkled at the corners so now he's probably smiling, and thinking about something. _Oh joy. _

"Are you wearing perfume Dr. Grey?" I look up at him, practically getting whiplash. _What the hell?_

"Um, no. I'm um, what?" Now he's definitely smirking because I can just tell that's what's going on after so many hours in the OR and out of it with him.

"Well, it's not allergy season, and my nose hasn't been this itchy at all today, and I know there's a certain perfume you like to wear that messes with the oh-so-very distinct Sloan nose, an-"

"No. I am not wearing that Chanel stuff." And I stop there because that probably didn't need to be said in an operating room full of professional medical staff. I feel my cheeks blazing. _Thank you whoever invented these ridiculous masks._

"Al-" He stops to compose himself. "Alrighty then. So what? Been using formaldehyde as replacement perfume then?"

I freeze and then look at him questioningly. He catches the look and sends me one of his own.

"I'm slightly allergic to formaldehyde." I roll my eyes. _Of course!_

"Well, um." I clear my throat because it sounds pitiful, as if I hadn't talked to anyone in years. "Actually I was in the morgue earlier today. Do I need to step back?" I can practically feel the stares burning into my soul. _Can't wait what people are going to say about this._

I avoid everyone's eyes by keeping my own on Mrs. Pearson's face to realize Mark's already begun suturing. "Or I can just scrub out since you're just about done." I chance a look up and see that he's staring, intently, at me. So I move back a little, not being a confrontation-unless-provoked type of person. And then he wakes up out of whatever daze he's in.

"Uh, yeah. I don't think there's very much you can do here. Go ahead and scrub out." He nods his head towards the exit while finishing up. I take one last look and head out.

* * *

_A/N: Buggin ya'll again! But thanks for everyone that Review'd and whatnot, I appreciate it! And constructive criticism is always valued so anything you think I should do/know about I accept. Anything about Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice Cream will be destroyed -_-_

_Annnd side note: Anyone that ever needs to talk, the PM button is where it usually is. Except Friday from 1-11. Happy hour ;)_

_R&R_


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: A little comedic relief before the drama bomb that is what happens next. ;)_

_You guys are soooo lucky, there's like, 3 more chaps after this that I have at least a lil somethin written._

_Enjoy! R&R! _

_PS- I edited Chapter 3 a little bit if anyone's confused on why Alex was in Chief Resident's office. And if you aren't confused, well, then, read it anyway? :) _

* * *

"Fuck." I let out a drawn-out, dramatic sigh and slam my head onto my arms that rest on the table. "Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!" _This fucking sucks._

"Hey, hey, hey! What the fucks going on?" Jackson's voice gets louder as he walks closer to the table and then I hear a slight thump signaling his tray has also been put on the table.

"You're not usually one for 'fucks'. Everything alright?" His tone is slightly concerned and not at all sarcastic. Hint hint. I lift my head up just enough to peek up at him. He's leaning forward, intently making sure that everything's OK.

"I screwed up! Well, not really. I mean, I didn't screw anything up, I just, made an ass out of myself in the OR. Again." Jackson looked down at his plate, but that Avery smile isn't hard to miss. I roll my eyes at him and sit up.

"Grrr! I mean it's all Mark's fault, always being…ugh! And then I have to go an...ugh!" And then I slam my head onto my crossed arms.

"Well I'm sure it's not that bad." Jackson's tone was not only patronizing, but he was laughing. _Jerk. _I sit up and give him my best glare.

"Just for that, for laughing at someone while they're down, you have to come with me to physical therapy today." I tell him smugly, because if there's one thing Jackson Avery hates, it's listening to me whine about physical therapy for two hours. And it does wipe that smile off his face.

"Hey, I thought I was taking you today." I look back to see Alex munching on a piece of celery, and balancing several books and a tray which I take from him so he doesn't fall. "Thanks." I nod and he sits down and opens up one of the thicker books while grabbing a carrot.

"Well, you were and then Jackson laughed at my unfortunate event." Alex stops chewing and looks at Avery who's still digging around in his salad. Then he looks at me and reaches over to smack Jackson in the back of the head. I laugh. Jackson puts down his fork and looks over at Alex.

"What was that for?" Alex nods his head in my direction.

"Making fun of Bionica." I roll my eyes at the stupid nickname Christina gave me.

"She's the one that made an ass out of herself in the OR!" Jackson sounded like a whiny 5 year old instead of a top-notch plastic surgeon.

Alex stops chewing again and looks at me. Then he gets up and hits me in the back of the head. Which really freaking hurts! _Douche!_ _Ow! _

I hold my hand up to my head and rub it. "What was that for?" Alex swallows and then looks at me like it's the most obvious answer in the world. "It was funny. Don't have to go tattle-tailing on the guy."

I look over to see Jackson smiling victoriously at me. _Stupid Avery grin._ Then Christina and Meredith walk up and see me holding my head with a pissed expression on my face. Mer stops and looks at me.

"What did they do?" I look up at her and give her the help-me-big-sister-look.

"They made fun of me. And then Alex smacked my head." Christina and Mer share a look and then they walk over and slap the boys on the back of their heads. I look down at my hands giggling.

"Hey!" They chorus. "That's what you get Evil Spawn." Christina sneers at Alex.

"You're supposed to be the nice Avery." Mer lectures a very wounded looking Jackson. Everyone resumes eating and Christina and Mer talk about some surgery or other. I'm watching my finger draw patterns on the table and think about what I could possibly go talk to Mark about. Then I feel a sharp poke in my left thigh. I look over to see Alex's forehead furrowed.

"Where's your food?" I look down at my empty spot on the table.

"Oh yeah, huh?" I guess I had forgotten it in my mad rush from the OR. I peer around Jackson to look at the table next to us. I see Steve speed walking through the cafeteria. No doubt to head to the nursery.

"Steve!" He stops and looks around until he sees me waving my arm. He smiles and nods his head in greeting.

"Yogurt me?" He does a scan of what he's holding and then chucks something toward me. "Thanks!" I say as I catch the carton of...mmm blueberry yogurt. He waves his hand that's now holding a banana. I turn back around to Alex.

"My lunch is right here." I triumphantly show him my yogurt. He just raises an eyebrow. "Spoon?" I frown. _Dammit, I can't just win?_ Then I feel something hit my right boob which makes me freak out and grab it anyway. I open my hand to see a black spoon and look up to see Christina eating her pudding cup with her finger.

"I forgot I had one." I laugh. "Thanks." I turn to Alex again.

"Spoon." And then I rip the top off my yogurt and dig in. He jerks his head back and snorts.

"Alright Little Grey you win this round." He smiles at me and sticks his tongue out. I almost choke on my yogurt, so I hold my hand up to my mouth and laugh out, "Real mature Karev." So he does it again and then Christina throws a grape at him. He opens his mouth to retaliate, but it's still got a whole bunch of lettuce in it half-chewed. Everyone at the table groans and looks away which makes Alex stick his tongue out even further and lean over the table closer to everyone. Jackson laughs and shakes his head when Alex's little show is over. Meredith is still looking at him and laughing, and Christina makes gagging sounds while she gets up to toss her tray.

"See you freaks later, I have to go save someone's life from being met with an untimely death because they're fat." And then she walks out with her 'Christina Swag' as she calls it.

Everyone rolls their eyes and goes back to their food. All of a sudden Jackson laughs. I look at him, still a little peeved at him for making fun of my awkwardness.

"What's so funny now Dr. Sparkle?" I bat my eyelashes up at him. He grimaces and turns red while everyone else laughs at him. A few months ago a seventeen year-old kid had come inf or Port-Wine Stain treatment and when she saw Avery she had whistled and asked who Dr. Sparkle Eyes was. The name stuck.

"I still can't believe the names people come up with: McDreamy, McSteamy, Lexipedia, Little Grey, the Twisted Sisters, Dr. Sparkly Eyes, Bionica." Avery shakes his head. "It has to be a Seattle thing."

Alex snorted again, "Nah man, it's a Seattle Grace thing. Yang came up with most of those names, Hunt came up with the Twisted Sisters, and that kid came up with Dr. Sparkly Eyes. It's mostly before the merger, but it probably has to do with the aura in this place." Mer stops chewing and looks at Alex with a slightly disbelieved look.

"Aura? Really Alex? Are you into voodoo and witchcraft now too?" Alex rolls his eyes and throws a green bean at her, which she catches and then continues to eat.

"That would be my fault Mer." She looks over to me and raises an eyebrow. I shrug my shoulders. "My physical therapist uses 'aura' and a bunch of other words like that for his patients. You know a 'positive influence' and it bugs the hell out of Alex, but I guess it's finally starting to grow on him." I smile sweetly at him and his face turns red.

"I was making fun of voodoo man actually." I laugh at the glare he's trying to send to me. "You're too cute when you're indignant." He throws his tomato at Jackson and then stands up pushing his chair back.

"That's it. I have had enough of this abuse! I am leaving this table." And then he gets his things and walks approximately 5 yards over to an empty table and sits there. I look at Meredith and we bust out laughing. She calls over to him, "Yeah that really showed us Alex!"

"Nice one Karev!" Jackson laughs out. He flips us the bird and then gets yelled at by Bailey, so he puts his head into a rather thick looking book.

Mer is still quietly laughing when she gets a page. Then she stops eating, wipes her mouth, and stands up.

"I'll uh, see ya later Lexi, and I hope your physical therapy goes well, and you think about what we talked about earlier huh? Family?" I blush and nod and then she walks off.

Jackson looks after her with a questioning look on his face. Then he turns to look at me.

"Booty call?" I shrug. "Probably, or maybe Zola." And then we watch Mer as she shakes out her hair from its pony tail. I wrinkle my nose.

"Booty call." Jackson laughs as I shiver. _Ew_.

"Alright Lexi I gotta go prep for surgery. You still want me to go with you today?" I shake my head.

"No, it's alright. Go be awesome Alex can take me." He nods and then gets up to leave. I wave goodbye and focus back on my yogurt which is only half-eaten. For the next, 3-4 minutes I battle it out with my yogurt until I only have 1 blueberry left.

I hear footsteps getting nearer but I'm too busy trying to scoop out that last little blue devil in the cup.

"Uh hmm." Someone clears their throat. I look up. Freeze.

"Oh."

"Is this seat taken?"

"Hey Mark."


End file.
